I woke up one morning last week with a diffuse state of restlessness. I breathed a few times with the intention of staying with that state, to hear the message it was bringing. When I say "I sat", let it be understood that I managed to sit with the sensation in my body after negotiating with the voice in my head that was explaining to me that everything is going well, that I have no reason for anxiety and that it is necessary to move on to the next task. Yes, discussions with the inner parent are quite common in a healthy mind!
Fast forward a few hours, until I realized that the pressure was related to the difficulty of choosing which specialization course to buy (there was heated discussion inside: "maybe a retreat is more effective"...or "to continue with a book that I bought since the courses are expensive", etc., I think you understand the idea). I then entered some social media platforms and saw a little more clearly how the need for “quickly, more trainings” appeared in my mind: at every few posts in the feed there was an ad about “how to do” something, faster and better, that was putting fuel on the Fear Of Missing Out ('FOMO'). The moment I saw this process a lot of the emotional pressure was released and I went back to reading the development plan I built for this year to see what was the next step.
I will now jump from my story to the concept of "Pop psychology" which has quickly gained ground with its friendly and accessible approach of taking complex concepts and simplifying them, providing quick and easy-to-implement solutions to everyday problems. It is attractive because it promises quick improvements and it has the quality of being accessible, just a few clicks away.
I could say further and that this tendency of fast psychology, which has stolen the headlines in my opinion, can also create the illusion that any symptom or need for personal growth can be resolved quickly, like a miracle, with a certain technique. It almost becomes embarrassing to have a problem in this sea of solutions or to say that you are in the process of psychotherapy for 2 years.
In fact, when we put pressure on the growth process we are impatient and we give voice to a smaller part inside of us, who was deprived in the past of adequate emotional nourishment, and who is now demanding its rights. However tempting seems the idea that emotional deficiencies that have formed over time can be quickly covered, it is important to understand that this is a delusion and that we need to embark on a journey to heal them in the right way.
From my personal experience, the most appropriate way to heal or grow is the process of genuine emotional growth. While pop psychology provides an excellent and accessible starting point for inner exploration, the truth is that genuine emotional growth is a much more complex and profound journey. Emotional growth involves developing a deep understanding of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, a process that takes time, patience, and is often guided by a specialist. I think I haven't said anything new, yet my invitation is to move from "I know" (I have the information because I understood what I read) to integrating the information, to living it; that is, to understand how it is concretely applied in your life, to stay with your emotions while applying the information, to increase resilience in the face of the process that is rarely linear or fast.
Guidance from a specialist shows its value precisely in this process of integrating the information. A mind that created certain mechanisms that were considered very good at a certain moment, it needs a context of emotional safety and a good mirror (the person who guides) to be able to see the process behind the experiences (how it connects meanings and how it processes information) and to change it. It is a turning point when you find the person with whom you feel safe enough to allow him/her to accompany you on your journey of emotional growth.
Do I really need in depth emotional work?
The short answer is, it depends. I consider that it's very valuable to have and to apply techniques that help you navigate certain situations. Equally valuable is to understand that a lasting increase in the quality of how you experiences life situations cannot be tricked with techniques, but needs to be built with patience and mastery.
The good news is that both journeys, short or long term, begin in the present moment, the only moment in which you can manifest the power to choose and decide, as these are resources of the adult that you are. Any approach, short or long term is valuable if you understand what you can get out of it and how it can assist you in your growth process.
I leave you some questions to explore:
What do I really think I will get out of the personal development course I want to enroll in next?
How do I choose the way I support my growth in the present?
Do I choose a course after making a personal development plan, or do I let myself be swept of my feed by a well done ad?
How is it for me to be patient with myself?
How did it feel when I was patient with myself?
May it be of use to you and I look forward to seeing you for an experience of change in an authentic way!
Irina, Systemic Psychologist and Coach
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